This Thing Called “Writers’ Block”

{ July 4, 2008 @ 1:36 p07 } · { Uncategorized }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

It’s official. I hate myself. I can’t think of any decent thing to write for my feature article. My mind is a mess. And I believe that writing it here is a good therapy for my “craziness.”

I thought of a topic last Saturday already and I didn’t have time to write it during the week because our teachers chose to bombard us with quizzes. And the so-called perfectionist in me wants to have everything organized in my mind before I start writing. That is what’s giving me undue stress. I stress myself too much.

Don’t get me wrong. I love writing. It’s my joy and my therapy. Maybe I jut triy too hard to ”manage my time” and organize everything in an unattainable state. And that’s what’s driving me nuts right now.

Dispelling writers’ block has been the topic of many feature articles in magazines. But it doesn’t seem to work on me! Any ideas?    I’m a hopeless case right now (exaggerating).

Walking on Water

{ June 30, 2008 @ 1:36 p06 } · { books, life, meaning, thoughts }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

As I go through the day, I can’t help but think if I am indeed living in reality. Because in the core of my being, I feel that this is not it. I know. I’ve read it in the Bible and it’s so easy to say to yourself after reading it that it’s so true. That this is not yet the reality that we should be living in. Everything in this world is saying that this is all just temporary. And I have to admit that really feeling it’s temporariness is a great feeling. Everything suddenly becomes real.

After Take No Glory left Dumaguete, everything just changed. I cannot explain this awesome feeling but it is real. God is real and there is no turning back. I chose to walk with Him and I am discovering more amazing truths everyday.

Everything that I do in this world will leave a mark no matter how ordinary that can be. Time is not what we know it to be. It’s not just what we see in our watches. Time is not limited to what we do in this earth.

While we are talking about time, let me share with you something amazing I have just read from Walking on Water by Madeleine L’Engle:

As the echoes of the beginning linger, so, too, all that moves outward in gradually diminishing but never-ending sound waves. One of the more delightful mysteries of sound came when the on one of our early spaceships heard a program of nostalgic music over their sound system and radioed NASA to thank whoever it was who had sent them the program. From NASA came a baffled reply that they had sent the astronauts no such program and knew nothing about it.

This phenomenon triggered a good deal of interest and research: who had beamed the music to the astronauts? What was its source? All the radio and tv programs all over teh country that day and hour were checked out, and none of them was responsible for the music the astronauts had so enjoyed. Further research. Could they all have imagined hearing a nonexistent program of old popular songs? Was it a kind of mass hallucination? It seemed highly unlikely. Research finally revealed that that particualer program had been broadcast in the 1930s.[emphasis mine]

That just goes to show that everything that we do will always count. I don’t want to waste my time.

We have never been taught this amazing truth in the classroom when we were learning how to tell the time. In this world, we may never have to know it but if you’re looking for reality, this may count a lot. Everything that we know of reality is only a small percent of the real thing. There are a lot of things that our finite minds can never grasp. At least, not in this lifetime anyway.

You may be asking why on earth is that important. I have been trying to write stories and nothing makes sense. I figured that the reason behind that is I have to unlearn the “grown-up” perspective of this world. Honestly, it makes everything hard. Our so-called self-control and understanding can only do harm in us.

We have to be childlike in a way. People may be telling you that fairy tales or fiction in general is a waste of time. That you should be reading biographies or scholarly books. Why don’t you balance it? Fiction holds a lot of truth. The kind of truth that you can never find in “things that make sense”. Remember, Jesus never preached the truth in highfalutin words. He used parables, stories.

If life seems worthless to you, remember how you were when you were in the fourth grade and everything was new and beautiful. Remember the feeling when there was nothing between you and the world. And walk on.

Pressure

{ June 16, 2008 @ 1:36 p06 } · { rant }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

It’s been a long time since I have written a new post. I just didn’t feel like writing back then. Plus, I got really busy with school and extra curricular activities. =)

Anyway, the new school year is starting. I survived my first week in school (yay!). It definitely feels weird being stuck in a classroom all day when I was so used to the freedom summer gave me. Oh well. That’s student life. =)

I really like my subjects for this semester. I have Rel61 (Christian Ethics), Litt21 (Philippine Literature), Fil25r (Retorika), Com31 (Feature Writing), Com33 (News Editing), Com35 (Intro to Broadcasting), and FA51 (Art Appreciation). I’m really thankful that I don’t have to go through a whole sem of changing into my PE uniform and spending one hour at the gym. It’s not that I don’t want to exercise. It’s just that I hate sweating too much. =)

You may ne wondering why i titled this post “Pressure” when in fact it’s still the second week of school. Hmm…let’s see. I think too much of what will happen this sem and the ton of schoolwork I have to be buried in. It’s actually a lot of pressure just thinking about things. I’m such a worrywart.

Finding and Seeking

{ March 29, 2008 @ 1:36 p03 } · { Uncategorized }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

Have you ever tried looking for something, like a watch, your keys, or your favorite book? You searched for it everywhere and chances are, you’re still searching for a lost item until now. What about the times when you found something when you’re not looking for it? Have you ever wondered why it’s like this?

It’s the same with God. When I found Him, I wasn’t looking for Him. I was looking for something else. I was wondering what on earth I am here for. I needed an explanation and I was looking for answers in magazines, the wrong source.

When I was a freshman in college, I was looking for a purpose yet I didn’t know that I was searching. But the great thing is God allowed me to find Him without me seeking for Him. Isn’t that great? I got the best answer and I can find it in the Bible.

My life has been great since I started my walk with my Maker. Sure there were days when I felt that life is conspiring against me. But the purpose of finding God is realizing the value of what you found. And now that I found Him, I will continue seeking Him.

Luke 15 has great stories on finding and seeking. There’s the shepherd who lost one sheep and left the 99 others to search for the lost one. The woman who lost a one coin searched for it in her home. And the popular story of the prodigal son. Notice that all parables ended in a celebration.

What’s amazing about this is that God chose you even before you were born. I didn’t choose God yet He chose me. He looked for me. That’s how precious we are to Him.

Our Daddy in heaven loves us so much. =)

A Change of Mindset

{ January 15, 2008 @ 1:36 p01 } · { meaning, thoughts }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

The MDG summit was a very informational event. I definitely learned a lot from the opening ceremony. It was informational in a way that I suddenly became aware of everything that’s happening around me. Yes, I knew there was poverty. I knew that a lot of kids are working instead of being in school.

Having enough and being in school myself, I tend to be absorbed by everything that’s happening in school and in my own life. I thought that the poor people should be helped by the government but I never took steps to helping them myself. The speeches of Dr. Francis J. Kong and Sen. Panfilo M. Lacson made me realize that there is more to the MDG goals than just paperwork and words. People actually need to work for it and that doesn’t exclude me.

Dr. Kong’s “transformational talk” made me see the real problem of the country. The root cause of everything that’s happening in the country is the “poorness and the smallness of thinking” of the people. It actually “keeps people poor”. Poverty is not only limited to the economic aspect but there is also the “poverty of spirit, discipline, and integrity.”

Dr. Kong also pointed out the mistake of most people. “Very few people invest in the culminating of the mindset.” If the poverty of the mindset is not addressed, people will always be “imprisoned with the smallness of their thinking”.

“I never believed that the Filipino was poor,” Kong said in his speech. “But people are products of choices they make from day-to-day.”

With his speech, I realized that a lot of people lose hope easily. Most of the students sometimes take their education for granted and dodge through school requirements without really learning. He also pointed out that a person’s attitude is more important than his/her skills. A person can achieve a lot from diligence and skill combined than skill alone.

At present, a lot of celebrities are publicly supporting a cause. As a result, a lot of people seem to support causes because it’s popular or because it’s what celebrities are into. But Kong breaks this “hype” by encouraging everyone “not to take a stand because it’s popular, but because it’s the truth.” This goes to show that the right motives would achieve a lot because you know what you are fighting for. You understand its nature and the urgency of the matter. With that understanding comes hard work and commitment which are important ingredients to success.

The inspirational talk by Dr. Kong was perfectly supplemented by Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s speech that definitely opened my eyes to the shocking truth. The statistics presented was alarming and it’s not dull at all. It made me realize that I didn’t look hard enough and that I need to step out from my comfort zone. Before the summit, I was aware but I didn’t really see. Now I am fully aware and am raring to see more of the world and do as much as I can to help.

I admit that Sen. Lacson’s speech was not as inspiring as Dr. Kong’s. But he presented the stark truth I kept on hiding from. So inspiration plus harsh facts did a lot of good my mindset.

The Grinch II

{ December 1, 2007 @ 1:36 p12 } · { Christmas, rant, thoughts }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

grinch.jpg

“Santa that’s my only wish this year…” Britney’s voice is heard in the air as I pass by a store filled with plastic christmas trees, balls, stars, and colorful angels. People stop by the store and are busy choosing which decoration would look best on their tree this year. Children wander to the toys’ section and thinking up of ways to convince their mom to buy them one…for Christmas.

As I go to my favorite coffee shop, there was a plastic wreath on the glass door. Thankfully, Christian music was blaring from the speakers. It’s better this way than having to listen to cheesy Christmas songs on the radio. Blech!

While reading a book with two chocolate chip cookies and a cup of cappuccino, my brain, which has this amazing capability of thinking about two million things a minute, started whirring. Suddenly, I stopped reading and just stared into my coffee cup, just thinking.

What’s a good plot for a short story? When will I start writing the essay that I planned to write a long time ago? But what will i write about? I am drawn to eyes. Should that be the central theme? I haven’t done my Math homework yet. I wonder when I’ll pick up my workbook and calculator and actually do it. I don’t wanna do my C Fund homework! I want to finish reading this book so I can start reading my new Italo Calvino book. What should I do after this? Should I buy today’s newspaper or not? And what’s with Christmas???

I finally settled on the Christmas thought. Why can’t I feel the Christmas spirit? I used to be excited whenever December comes. I remember that I’d feel this beautiful and magical feeling while sitting under the Christmas tree with the tiny lights on and just stare at it for hours. But where is this feeling? have i lost it? Have I…*gulp*…OUTGROWN CHRISTMAS???

Maybe I have. Maybe I’m too busy thinking about a million things that i just get irritated by Christmas songs that seem to catch me wherever I go. I get irritated by caroling and gifts. Yes, I admit, the trees in National Bookstore with the pink and blue angels are pretty but I don’t want it. What is wrong with me? Have I turned to the Grinch?

Hmm…the Grinch. That big, icky, green fur ball. Yuck! I don’t even wanna compare myself to him. But I can’t help it. I have all the symptoms. I just want to hide in my favorite coffee shop and avoid Christmas shoppers and songs. I’m contented with a cup of my favorite coffee while I bury my nose in a book. I’d rather study than feel festive. I swear.

But I don’t want to be the Grinch. I don’t want to turn green and be a hermit. I want to feel that beautiful feeling again. That feeling of anticipation and excitement for Christmas. Where is it?

Maybe it’s because Christmas has been too commercialized that the real reason foe celebrating this holiday and taking our mind away from schoolwork is hidden behind a landslide of Christmas parties, Kris Kringle, cheesy songs, and dusty, plastic trees. And while I’m writing this, a plastic version of Santa Claus is looking at me through the window. Stop staring at me Santa! No cookies and milk for you this time.

After i convinced myself that commercialization is the reason behind the gloomy feeling, my thoughts go back to the million things I thought about earlier, searching for a new thing to think about. I lift the green cup of coffee to take a sip. Should my story start at a coffee shop? I thought. Before I got an answer, I felt a burning sensation on my tongue. It’s hot!

Addict

{ November 16, 2007 @ 1:36 p11 } · { books, love }
{ } · { Comments (5) }

It’s the high feeling. The feeling that the world shrinks and everything around you vanishes. It’s the irritation when someone disturbs you. the dreamy sigh when you reluctantly decide to rejoin the real world. This is addiction. 

I’ve been reading books ever since I could read. No. Let me rephrase that. I’ve been reading books ever since I memorized one. So that’s not not called reading, right? Well, other people thought I could read since my eyes moved while I would read out loud. And everything I read is correct. That book was a Mother Goose Book. I still remember how much I loved it. It was big and hardbound. It had beautiful illustrations and I learned about a house that was inside a house which is inside another house and so on. That was when my love affair with reading and books started.

When I was in 4th grade, I started reading the Baby-Sitters’ Club books by Ann M. Martin. I was captivated by the simplicity of her words yet the way she described things, like Stacey’s fashionable clothes, Claudia’s creative style, their shopping and baby-sitting adventures and whatnot. I collected a lot of those books and reread them many times.

Tidbit: It was because of the Baby-Sitters’ Club that I got curious about debate (Kristy and the Kidnapper). =)

The series ended in 2000 and it’s a good thing that I bought the last book the same time it was released. I practically grew up with Kristy’s leadership skills, Mary Ann’s quietness, Claudia’s art, and Stacey’s New Yorker behavior. I can say that I had the best childhood because of them.

I started exploring other teen books like Gossip Girl, The Clique, Sweet Valley Jr. High, etc. I spent my high school days with those rich snob girls and got lost in their world of fashion, back-biting, expensive juices, trips to New York, brawling over the latest designer clothes, and all that glitz. That was also the time when I got hooked to Candy magazine and I wanted to be a fashion designer.

College came and my taste in books and magazines changed. I now look at an author’s writing style and the plot of the story. I don’t impulsively buy books just because I collect that series. I must say that the first thing that makes me fall in love with a book is the author’s ability to describe even the simplest things in beautiful words.

Being an only child and staying in the house for days didn’t bore me at all. In fact, I love it! Being the book addict that I am, I never lived a lonely life. I now travel to India and New York through Kiran Desai’s Inheritance of Loss. I’ve been attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for seven years now and I’ve been with Harry Potter and his friends everytime they go to the Three Broomsticks and consume mugs of butterbeer. I’ve been to China with Adeline Yen Mah and witnessed her Chinese Cinderella life. I cried with her when her Niang treats her bad. I watched her stepsiblings with envy as they get to wear new European-style clothes while Adeline got traditional Chinese clothes. I studied with her while she wept. I experienced life during the Great Depression as I visited Scout and Jem Finch. I saw how blacks were discriminated during that era. I was enchanted by the courtroom scene and how Atticus finch defended marginalized people with all that he had. I learned that I shouldn’t kill a mockingbird.

Now, I’m curious about Haruki Murakami’s novels and I want to read a lot of books. I guess, being an addict is like that.

To quote Kiran Desai in The Inheritance of Loss,

“Books were making her restless. She was beginning to read faster, more, until she was inside the narrative, and the narrative inside her, the pages going by so fast, her heart in her chest–she couldn’t stop.”

I don’t want to feel trapped in monotonous routines. I want an escape. And this is my escape. My drug.      

 

Latin Mass

{ November 11, 2007 @ 1:36 p11 } · { life, love, meaning }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

A regular Sunday. My roommate and I woke up at 6am to attend the 7am mass. I hope that I can wake up early every Sunday and attend this mass as it is more peaceful and the church is less crowded. But halfway through the mass, my mind seems to fly away from the church and the mass and it settled on my unfinished news stories for Com22. I kept on revising a day schedule in my head while “listening” to the homily. After church, grab some breakfast, start writing my news stories, then go to the briefing for the David Pomeranz concert at 1pm. I can never give all my attention to what the priest was saying. Unlike Wednesday college nights, my whole attention is on the message of God and my mind stays put. What is it with the regular Catholic mass that it just can’t catch my attention for a whole one hour?

I think it’s because I’ve been attending these masses since I was a baby. No. I didn’t attend. My mother dragged me to go to church. But when I opened my inbox and read the article in New York Times about Pope Benedict XVI allowing the traditional or Tridentine Mass and listened to the audio slideshow, it was mysterious, enchanting. And for me, it seemed more sacred than the Mass I attend every Sunday in English or the vernacular. There really is something about the traditional mass that makes it more solemn and quiet.

According to Kelly Rein, 16, “It’s quiet. People are paying attention. In the English Mass, it’s noisy. There are babies crying. But here people are completely focused on God.”

More than 40 years ago , the groundbreaking Second Vatican Council introduced Mass in the vernacular, sending the Latin Mass into disuse and alienating some Catholics.

But last summer, Pope Benedict XVI eased restrictions on the rite, and new celebrations of the Latin Mass are flowering. To the surprise of many, the rite has attracted priests and parishioners too young to have experienced the Latin Mass when it was the norm.

The Tridentine Mass was codified at the Council of Trent in 1570, after which it is named. In it, the priest faces the altar, not the congregation. He prays in Latin, much of it in a whisper, although readings from Scripture and the sermon are in the vernacular. A missal in Latin and English allows parishioners to follow along.

“There’s a curiosity, and it is consistent with people looking for the transcendent and holy, which they maybe didn’t see in the Mass they attended growing up,” said the Rev. Keith F. Pecklers, professor of liturgy at Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome.

Reading all this makes me want to go to Rome or somewhere where a Tridentine mass is performed. I want to feel the mystery and experience it personally. Maybe…….

Source: The New York Times, November 10, 2007

The Beginning

{ October 28, 2007 @ 1:36 p10 } · { Yabang Pinoy!, life, love, travel }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

NDC may be over but this is just the beginning of everything.

Just got back from Baguio City. Major weather adjustment.

Anyway, I’m back to reality. But I’m not complaining here. I had fun during the NDC. =)

–Baguio was lovely. I love the weather and I hope that I could bring it with me wherever I go. I just didn’t have enough time to really explore the place. I’d have to come back someday.

–PMA is the most beautiful campus I had ever been to. Words are not enough to describe it. Definitely.

–And of course, being in PMA allowed the NDC participants to meet some cadets and actually take a peek at their everyday lives. After one week in PMA, I now fully appreciate everything that soldiers do just to protect the citizens. They may look stiff in their uniforms and their expressions may tell everyone that they are tough but one week was enough to make me understand that they are human, too. Human beings who make big sacrifices to answer their calling and serve the country. It was fun seeing them laugh, talk excitedly, and all that. Even if they still walk stiffly. =)

–This tournament made me appreciate debate as more than just debate. This tournament showed me that debate is a delicate art that needs time and patience and perseverance for one to succeed and bask in the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction it can give. I met different debaters from all over the country and saw varying degrees of commitment to the craft. And it’s all beautiful.

–My fellow debaters from the SU Debsoc. You guys are super fun to be with. I can never forget all the laughter, late-night to early morning chicka sessions, shopping, eating out, and basically, just being together and being one big happy family. I’ll never ever forget you guys. You made my life even more beautiful. I’m looking forward to more debates and fun in the future. =)

After all that, one question still remains unanswered. What next? I’d have to say that this is just the beginning of everything. After meeting people who are dedicated enough to suffer for our country, people who love debate and value freedom of expression, people who laugh despite the pain, it just made me see life in a different perspective. It made me see that life is indeed beautiful and there’s more to what you have now if you just look in the right place.

I guess I just have to go with the flow. Life will take me to where I’m supposed to be. And while I’m on my way there, I’ll just sit back and enjoy the journey. =)

THW condemn the act of proscrastination among college students

{ October 6, 2007 @ 1:36 p10 } · { life, rant }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

It’s finals and I still procrastinate. I’ve been fighting this disease for so long now. Actually, when the sem started I made it a goal to do everything as soon as it was given and not wait ’till the last minute (I hope I learned my lesson after the BC25 first draft episode). But no matter how hard I try, it is unavoidable. You see, if I do it immediately, as in after a stressful day in school, I’d feel drained and that’s not good for the quality of my work as the state of mind of a person can affect the output greatly. And second, if all I do is related to schoolwork that means I don’t have time to read newspapers or magazines and catch up with what’s happening around the world and that’s just terrible. I don’t want to live under a rock!

You see? I have a LOT of excuses to not strike when the iron is hot. So how do I avoid procrastination for good? Before I go to the solution of this ever-present problem, let’s take a good look at the cause.

Procrastination is the act or habit of procrastinating, or putting off to a future time; delay; dilatoriness. Okay. So we all know that. But what do we do when we delay doing an important thing?

Case study:

There was a college girl who took up Mass Communication because she said she loved writing, talking, curious about advertising and marketing and all the things masscom students are supposed to do. Anyway, on a Saturday morning her alarm clock rang at 7:15. Although she would usually sleep until 11am on weekends, she woke up early that day to do everything she has to do. She reached for her dark blue planner and took a look at what she’s supposed to do that day (she has carefully written everything in detail the night before so that she won’t waste her precious time in thinking of what to do the next morning.) Quite proud of herself, she picked up her bible and prayed. After praying, she took a quick shower and prepared coffee to start her day. While sipping her favorite mug of hot coffee, she picked up a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and turned to chapter 15, sat down on an uncomfortable plastic chair and started reading. After one chapter, the coffee mug was still half full so she decided to read another chapter. An hour and a half later, she closed the book, picked up the mug and washed it. She decided it was time to start reading her Com21 photocopies. Plopping down on a chair, photocopy and yellow highlighter in hand, she read the first paragraph. As she was about to start reading the second paragraph, a thought popped up and she decided to write about it. So she picked up her purple hard-bound journal and black Pilot pen and started scribbling. An hour later and six pages filled-up, she decided to continue her readings. Halfway through the second paragraph, her cellphone beeped. It was a text message from her friend inviting her out to an early lunch. She then decided to bring her photocopied readings so she could read while waiting for the food. Dressed in a tank top and jeans with a black and white headband secured neatly and white ballet flats on her feet, she picked up her black backpack and left confident the day is still long enough. After lunch, at exactly 2pm, she decided to go the library and study there in peace. Boy, was she wrong! The first floor was crowded so she went to the second floor but it was also crowded. With no choice left, she headed to the third floor sans air conditioning. She placed her things on a table and took a newspaper for matter loading purposes. After reading almost every article, she decided to go to the first floor and study in the ASRC. It was 3pm. In the ASRC, she sat on her favorite corner and took out her readings. Then she saw a copy of The Best American Travel Stories 2002. She took it from the shelf and read it instead. Time flew fast and it was 5:30pm. Time for the library to close. Outside the library, she decided to go back to the boarding house and study foe real. Her cellphone beeped and the message was from a fellow debater. She decided that she wanted to casebuild after all and went, completely forgetting about the photocopied readings folded inside her bag, waiting to be read. At 9pm, after casebuilding, everyone decided to go out for dinner. At 11pm, she was back in her boarding house, tired. She only had enough energy to change into her sleeping clothes, brush her teeth, crawl to bed, and pray. As she lay down, she felt extremely guilty but decided that she could do it tomorrow.

What happened to the list she made? What happened to her promise? That’s how powerful procrastination can be. And it’s sad. Very sad.

Active avoidance. That’s how to describe procrastination best. Active may be a good word but not when the next word is avoidance. It sounds pretty nasty.

So what do you think should that girl do in order to avoid doing that again? FOCUS.

Yeah right. It’s easier said (or written) than done. *sigh*

Newer entries » · « Older entries