Sugar Rush

I got this perfect quote from Candy magazine which would make us fully understand why we are insecure and who should we really blame when we feel insecure.

“Other people don’t make you insecure, it’s how you see yourself and compare yourself with others.”

How perfect! Everyone of us are insecure about one thing or another. At some point in our life, we will experience that and we constantly will if we don’t learn to accept ourselves for who we really are. Fine, I’ll concede that there will always be someone who is better than me at something. But then again, if we look at this mindset, sometimes it can help us in improving ourselves. Just don’t let it balloon into something unmanageable. That will only destroy you rather than “help” you.

So what’s my biggest insecurity? Hmm…it would be that I think I’m never good enough. Whether in academics or singing or whatever! Add to that, I’m still insecure about my height (pero konti na lang). I’m glad to realize that I’m slowly accepting my physical flaws because it’s what makes me unique, diba?

Ikaw? What’s you’re biggest insecurity? =)

During Religion class, I asked my seatmate who is my blockmate, to read my name. Not the letters but my personality through my name. A lot of friends have already testified to the credibility of this friend of mine to read names accurately. SO, I decided to have my name read (after I had my crush’s name read, of course). The funny thing was, even though I can say that I know myself, I cannot assure you that I know myself very well. Yes, I may be doing whatever it is I’m doing but I won’t mind it. Maybe I’m confusing you but I guess it’s my gray area. After I had my name read, I discovered I have a lot of those “areas” than I ever knew.

Okay, back to that Religion class. While my friend was writing my name over and over again to get a feel of my name, the strokes of the letters and what they represent in my personality, I was actually nervous. And trust me, I felt my heart thumping. It’s funny, isn’t it? I mean, I have been with myself for sixteen years now and it felt like I was meeting someone new. A complete stranger. After a few minutes, she was ready to tell me what she found out. (read: I am not going to reveal here what she told me. It’s for me to know and for you to find out.) It was really freaky because everything she said was right. EVERYTHING. Including the traits that I didn’t know I had but when she told me I had them, I realized that she’s right.

Question of the day: Why is it that when you get to know a side of yourself you never knew existed, you get scared? It’s as if you’re a danger to yourself. I know I might seem weird and all, but it’s what I felt and I’m sure if you get to know a side of yourself you never knew existed, you’d freak out, too.

All I can say is that, I am weird and strange after all. Even if I’ve been with myself, and will be with myself ,for the rest of my life, I will never get to know the real me. And I don’t like that.

It’s one week now since we went to Cebu City for the first Visays Mindanao Debate Championship…and I miss everything especially my fellow debaters from S.U. DebSoc. yes, I still see them almost everyday (and to think that we just had lunch together today), I guess it’s the environment that makes me miss them as if we havewn’t seen each other for a month. Oh, and the fact that we don’t have anything else to think about but debate and each other.

I can say now that I am truly addicted to debate despite the nervousness I feel during the release of the tabs and motion and, most especially, during prep time. So why do I still hang on to debate and debate as if my whole life depended on it? I guess it’s because I got to appreciate the craft and art of debating. But one thing that I really hate about debate is that I can not drink coffee. Because if I do, I might as well die of excessive heart palpitations before and during a debate. And that’s tested and proven.

Another thing why I can’t stop myself from wishing for time to turn back and I’ll wake up one day and find myself getting ready for the trip (which is what I did early thursday morning last week). Debate is so much fun than attending my classes. But please don’t get me wrong. I love going to school because I love my course and some subjects. But puh-leese! I always fall asleep in class and that doesn’t happen in a debate. Hmm…it would be fun to enroll in a Bachelor in Debate course. Debate all day and night! =)

But let me say this. No matter how addicted I am to debate, there are still debates wherein I’d like to faint or run away or forfeit. I am still a struggling (but addicted!) debater and I want to make that clear. =)

I hope I can go to the nationals this year…